Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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