My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
