Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
