They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
