and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
