I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize