She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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