I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
