They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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