I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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