too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
