Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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