I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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