Having a random hookup so left but love u
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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