I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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