Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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