I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
