Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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