Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
