your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
