I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
