Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
