I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
