I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
