I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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