apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
