just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
