I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
