I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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