May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I touched a dick in church today
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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