He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
