Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
