And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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