Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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