god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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