Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The maid of honor just puked.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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