I am in a vortex of obligation.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
