I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
