I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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