Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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