Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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