I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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