i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
