he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize