Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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