I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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