apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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