I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
