Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
