my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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