I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
