I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
