my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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