got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dick has a subreddit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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