I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
